Reggie on Love

I thought with Valentines day coming up and all I would do a post on Love. This is a talk I gave two years ago at a church young adult group's Weekend of Christian Living and is the best thing I think I've ever written on the subject of what love is to me. It was quite a hit with the audience then, so I thought I would share it with the rest of you now.

Keep in mind some of this references other talks given at the weekend, but I think I recount the important parts so you will all get the point without having to hear the other very fine talks. The names have been deleted to protect the innocent.

We all know what love is. Companies spend millions to make products and magazines to help us find it. We write songs, stories and poetry to celebrate it and to warn it can destroy us if it is gone.

Love is a wonderful thing. It is something to be sought out and cherished when found. It makes us feel wonderful. It makes life worth living. It is the greatest thing in the whole world. We all need love.

And most of the time we are talking about romantic love. We all want to "be in love". We must seek out that one person in the whole world who will make us whole. The one who will understand us no matter what we do, accept us for who we are and overlook our many failings and annoying habits. That one person who will bring joy into our lives, make all our problems insignificant and help us feel as if we have a reason for being, a purpose in life bigger than ourselves.

With someone to Love, we can finally be important and joyful, if only we can find that one special person. And when we think we have found them, we are so happy. Our very skin glows, our eyes gleam, our outlook on life becomes extremely positive and we feel as if we are walking on air.

When you are "in love" life is fun and exciting. Everything goes right and it's not so bad even if things didn't. Your smile is so big, those around you can't help but notice and share in your joy.

But, as V mentioned on Friday night (in a talk about a bad breakup she experienced), when love is gone we are destroyed. One of the most tragic and life changing events in anyone's life is when the one they love leaves them, particularly if it is for another.

We feel betrayed and useless. "What is wrong with me? Why don't they love me anymore? What did I do to deserve this? Life will never be the same." A large chuck of our life, perhaps our very reason for living is gone. There is an emptiness inside that hurts with a pain unlike any other.

How can we ever live without happiness? How can we go on with this pain? Most country music is about this aspect of love, and I can relate well with most of the saddest country songs!

Each time it was difficult to lose that someone special.

When I was 18 I fell in love for the first time. It was one of those "across the smoky room" stories. I was sitting in a restaurant with some friends waiting for their cousins visiting from Germany to come in. Then suddenly I looked up and the entire room tunneled to the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Robyn, this young cousin from Germany, was incredible. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I felt like I was outside my body, the world just didn't feel the same. I don't remember much about the rest of that night, just her.

For two weeks I walked on air, the happiest man alive. My heart ached when she was not around and I could hardly contain my joy when she was. I felt like I had known her my whole life and she thought my annoying habits were "cute". I could be myself around her.

I thought I had loved before, but never anything like this. It was a glorious feeling! I loved everything about her. She was the one and I had found her without even looking! I was on top of the world; nothing could go wrong….

Then it was time for her to go home. I had never felt so alone. I couldn't stand the sadness I felt. I cried for days. I couldn't imagine life ever being joyful again. I felt a strange emptiness; there was a giant void in my heart where happiness used to live. I would never be happy again. I may have even blamed God for taking her away.

But over time I learned to love again and found "the one" at least four more times. Each time we parted I felt the same deep ache within myself. I felt useless, that something was wrong with me.

And, like in V's story, many of them said "it's not your fault, things just changed" and that just made it worse. How could it not be me? Something is seriously wrong with me or they all would not have left. How could anyone love me if they did not? I'm worthless and annoying.

I often used alcohol and drugs to fill my void while I searched for "the one" and sometimes I just settled for "the one" right now. It helped for a while, but not really.

Lucky for me, as T shared in her friendship talk, you still have your friends and family and mine were always there. They don't think you are worthless or annoying. They love you for who you are and will support you no matter what you do. They will help to fill that void you feel inside.

As J so poetically put it in his community talk; "Like a cinderblock wall, one may crack, but the rest will hold it up." We all have some sort of community who loves us and holds us up when we feel cracked.

Most of us would say our families love us. It's easier to love ones family because you don't have to let them into your "inner circle", you can be yourself around them. They know what goes on in that little head of yours. They have looked out for you your entire life. They taught you most of what you know, especially about right and wrong.

Our families know us deep down where we don't let other people. They know our dreams and our fears; they know our successes and our embarrassing failures. They accept us for who we are and love us anyway. Besides, they are family; they have to love us, right?

Our friends are a different story.

Loving anyone comes with a great risk and too often we are reluctant to take that risk. We must expose our selves and let people see a little of the real us. This is a frightening thing to most of us. What if they don't like us? What if we tell them some secret and they spread it all around town? Are they really going to like me when they find out I like KISS?

But we always seem to find a few people on this great big earth that choose to like us no matter what. They keep coming around to spend time with us and share their lives. As T shared, they know our secrets and our failings and love us enough to help us through the hard times anyway. Our friends know we like KISS and while they don't understand why, they listen to it anyway, just to make us happy because we put up with them and their crazy stuff too.

Friends help to fill that void inside, to make life fun and exciting. It's good to have friends to share our lives with. What would we do without them?

So Love is not a romantic thing. While the feelings we have when we are "in love" are wonderful, this is not true love. Don't get me wrong, love has a lot to do with it, especially in a long term relationship, but one does not have to "be in love" to love.

We feel good when we are with that special person because we are constantly doing nice things for them. They in turn, are usually doing nice things for us. We have a purpose because we put their happiness before our own and worry about their success and safety.

They are counting on us to help them through Life. Which is only worth living because we are happy to share our lives and explore this amazing world with them. We allow them into our "inner circle" and let them see the true us.

It's the same with our friends and family. It's a big risk to expose yourself like that, but the payoff is love and that is the greatest reward possible. Love is not something automatic or that falls from the sky or magically happens when you meet one specific person.

We can all love each other and find that glorious feeling anywhere we go, with anyone we are with.

You can't love a candy bar, football or designer shoes. You don't love golf, grandma's cooking, pop music performers or even your country. We overuse that word a lot to mean everything we simply enjoy.

Love is not simply about enjoying things. You must understand, I see Love as the basis for everything. Love is what binds the universe together and makes things go. It surrounds us, fills us, gets us to work together and makes the world worth living in. No, it's not Yoda or the force;

It's the holy spirit of God. God is Love. And Love is the answer to all our questions, … the cure for all our ailments … and the solution to all our problems.

For example: I don't believe there are evil people in the world. I have never seen an evil baby. I believe there are the loved and the unloved; the happy and the unhappy.

We will never solve our drug problems by dropping poison on farmers in Colombia. We must love those who are addicted or at risk and help them to learn they are loved too so they can be truly happy and won't need to fill their void with drugs.

School shootings and other crime will continue until we can learn and then teach our children that it is wrong to tease and put others down because they are different. We push people to the point that hatred and revenge fills their void and they commit the most evil acts; and then we wonder what went wrong. Racism, hatred and poverty will only be destroyed once we learn we are all human beings, all the same, all children of God.

It starts with each of us; with our smallest actions. Imagine a world where everyone was loved and happy; a world without war, without crime, without poverty and without despair. It's only possible when we learn to love God and each other.

I said before when we are looking for romantic love, we seek that one person in the whole world who will make us whole. The one who will understand us no matter what we do, accept us for who we are and overlook our many failings and annoying habits. That one person who will bring joy into our lives, make all our problems insignificant and make us feel as if we have a reason for being, a purpose in life bigger than ourselves.

With someone to Love, we can finally be important and happy, if only we can find that one special person.

I found that one special person is Jesus. He will do all those things for you. He will fill that void you feel. You don't need drugs or alcohol, a significant other or party friends to fill it. He will be your friend if you will just let him into your "inner circle". It should be easy if we know he will never laugh at us or put us down, he accepts us for who we are and he will never leave.

We have learned this weekend that Jesus is love and the ultimate in understanding and compassion. He listens to our prayers, guides us in our lives and protects us from harm. He only wants what is best for us and will never leave us alone. He died for us so that we might know happiness and the ways of eternal life.

All we are asked to do in return is follow his example, to show our love for him by treating everyone with the same love he showed us and we get in return happiness, eternal salvation, all of God's kingdom and peace on earth. What a sweet deal!


In 1st John Chapter 3, Saint John tells us:

For this is the message you have heard from the beginning: we should love one another,
unlike Cain who belonged to the evil one and slaughtered his brother. Why did he slaughter him? Because his own works were evil, and those of his brother righteous.
Do not be amazed, (then,) brothers, if the world hates you.
We know that we have passed from death to life because we love our brothers. Whoever does not love remains in death.
Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life remaining in him.
The way we came to know love was that he laid down his life for us; so we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion, how can the love of God remain in him?
Children, let us love.

Love is an action. It's not a feeling really, although it seems we have a particularly special one reserved just for it. But you can't feel it with out doing it, as Saint John says; "not in word or speech but in deed and truth."

It's something you have to do. You feel good when you do it and when others do it for you. It helps to fill that void of emptiness. It makes you happy and feel worthwhile. Sounds like it should be easy.

Christ taught us to love our neighbor, to love them as if they were ourselves; to help those in need and treat everyone, as we would like to be treated. Everything depends on it.

And yet, we find it to be almost impossible. It's just too hard. We can't love everyone all the time. We yell at the poor lady behind the counter when our order is not right. We curse the policeman when he gives us the ticket for speeding when we were late for work. We push our way to the front of the line or take more than our fair share of what was meant for everyone. We play our music too loud or park our car in the wrong place.

Some of us even know the products our company makes are dangerous, immoral or defective, yet we keep our mouths shut and just do our jobs. We spend our spare time and money on entertainment and sports, all the while passing by the homeless and less fortunate who live in the poor neighborhood where the large public facilities are usually located.

We constantly make assumptions based on how people look or talk and tease those who are not like us. The list goes on and on. And each time we spread a little more unhappiness and despair in the lives of others; each time we slaughter our brother a little bit, just as Cain did.

Jesus showed us another way.

Love is an action, it's something you do. It is most powerful in the smallest of actions. Love spreads through contact, so the more loving things you do the more love you spread. Doing nice things for each other makes you feel good. It also brings you closer to Christ and shows your love for him.

Saint John said: "We know that we have passed from death to life because we love our brothers. Whoever does not love remains in death." If we want a life centered on Christ, we must show love in everything we do. Look out for your neighbor. Put their needs and desires before your own. Love them and treat them as you would want them to treat you. It will fill that void inside with love and overflowing joy.

Start with the little things. It's easy! Don't go speeding down the road, stop playing your music loud till all hours of the morning, be understanding toward the poor worker when things don't go right, refuse to help sell dangerous products or be selfish in your daily interactions with others.

If it were your sister behind the counter, your brother using those products, your mother in the car next to you on the highway or your sick, music-hating grandma living above you, you would not do these things. You love your family and would do nothing to harm or bother them.

Yet we are learning this weekend that we are all one family, one body, in Christ. The girl behind the counter is your sister, the cop your brother; the people around you on the highway are your fathers and mothers. They just want to be loved and happy too.

So show them a little love, spread a little joy and sunshine into people's lives. Follow his example and show Jesus you love him; open the door and tell God you obey his law and appreciate his great sacrifice and unconditional love for you. Ask him to fill your void with joy and love on faith.

Thank him for all he has done for you in prayer, then take action and do the same for everyone else you meet. Help spread the holy spirit of God by filling peoples voids with love … and God will always be with you, you will never be alone and you can find happiness and companionship where ever you go.

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